Have you heard of the 1% rule? It’s the idea that roughly only 1% of the people on the Internet create content. The remaining 99% are deemed “lurkers.” Not a very flattering name; it has reptilian vibes for some reason and I dislike the way it sounds when said out loud.
So, am I writing this post solely because quarantine has made me dwell overly and obsessively on unimportant Internet colloquialisms with a bizarre, accompanying mental image of a digital snake wearing a top hat lurking in the corners of my computer screen as I scroll through Twitter judging people I don’t know?
So much has happened since graduating I barely know where to start! (oh yeah! Graduation! A thing that happened! I completed my undergrad at NC State with a B.A. in English- concentration in Creative Writing, a B.A. in General Anthropology, and a minor in Forensic Science.)
I’ll do a rapid-fire bulleted list of the Things that occurred after graduating, just to fast-forward to the Thing I want to write about.
- I went through the process of applying for Journeymen. Made it all the way to the end. Needed one more thing. God suddenly said nope, don’t do Journeymen. Stopped applying for Journeymen.
- Realized that God had been telling me “no” the entire time but I hadn’t wanted to listen to him because I was so intent on escaping.
- Applied for jobs. Hey, did y’all know there are literally no jobs for people immediately out of college with only bachelor degrees?? Especially when they are humanities degrees? Oops, I maybe should have thought of that when deciding my majors!
- (What do you mean shrugging and saying “I like words” and “I like fossils” are not the best determiners for selecting four years of study??)
- Got a retail job over the holidays because wut college loans are a reality and not a nebulous concept?? Store shall remain unnamed because I’m not sure just how many of my rights I signed over to our corporate overlords.
- retail work is underpaid, dehumanizing, and cruel.
- Left after the holidays.
- (I don’t shop at this store anymore)
- I shrugged and said “I like Jesus” and I applied to seminary.
- I was accepted into seminary.
- I signed up for seminary classes.
- I complained about going to seminary to anyone that would listen. (blah blah blah everybody thinks they just get to be a pastor, blah blah blah entitled white guys, blah blah blah 80% men)
- I went to seminary
- Seminary is incredible and has been a wonderful place of healing and restoration for me. God has taught me so much through my amazing professors. The students have (for the most part) been wonderful and uplifting and passionate about encouraging women to pursue ministry. I have a newfound inspiration and drive to grow my relationship with God and obey His will above all else, and the vague formations of an actual calling and ownership in my life.
- (and thus concludes another episode of ‘Will She Ever Stop Judging Literally Everything She Comes Across??’ Tune in next time for episode ‘She Always Gets Lizzie Bennet On Character Quizzes And Gets Way Too Angry About It’)
- found a much better job as an online English tutor! ^_^
- Like everyone else, all of my classes were switched to online in March due to the coronavirus. The switch went smoothly, but I’ve always struggled with online classes.
We’ve reached the Thing I actually want to write about!
Throughout all of the changes listed above, I continuously wondered what place ministry could possibly have in my life now. Mentors constantly told me in college that every place is a mission field, that there are lost people everywhere, that God can and will use Christians wherever they are if they sacrifice their wills to his. It’s easy to believe in a worldwide mission field, but it’s hard to interact with it when you are working 10+ hours a day at your part-time job and all of your 15 minute breaks are purposefully scheduled so that you’d be the only one taking a break at that time, alone. Eventually, after months of apathy, I prayed and asked God to give me the opportunity to organically meet new people and share the Gospel with them. I did not know what to expect, or what I wanted, but I was tired of my lethargic and meandering disobedience.
Soon after praying, my sister impulse-bought a ridiculous amount of Dungeons and Dragons supplies because I’d introduced her to Critical Role (a DnD livestream Twitch show) and she wanted to play. She asked me to DM (basically, lead the game) and, without thinking (and without knowing how to play), I agreed. I asked her if we could make it a Bible study too. We quickly found a group of eight high school/college girls to play and we began what is undoubtedly one of the strangest but most fun discipleship experiments I have ever experienced. The game itself is incredibly fun, but combining it with the Gospel makes it so much more. I’m not going to elaborate here on what God has done- too much for this post!-, but I’ll share some stories later.
Alongside this strange new hobby, I also started serving with the middle school student ministry at my church. I wasn’t able to serve for very long before Covid-19 happened, but I was there long enough to be told about and encouraged to pursue the Summit internship! The Summit internship is, essentially, a program created in order to help young adults explore and experience ministry in a variety of contexts and to grow their leadership skills. I will be serving with the student ministry. I cannot even begin to express how excited I am about it! Again, it’s too much to write about right now, but I will absolutely discuss it in a later post.
There’s a lot that God has been teaching me throughout the last few months, but I think the most life-changing Thing he’s taught me is that if I pray for opportunities to serve him, he will provide and he will provide quickly. It seems so obvious. After all, God does not desire that any should perish- he desires for people to know him- and God, in the Great Commission, has commanded all Christians to share the good news and to build up the church.
Yet, despite his desires and his commands, he still waited until I chose to ask him for ministry. Not only does God honor and and dignify humanity by respecting the free will he gave us, even when we choose to use that free will for evil, he also proves by his patience that he is not patronizing or tolerating me because of what I could possibly do for him. No, he does not need my actions. I am feeble, at best, and he’s God. He wants my love and my heart, and not for any of the nefarious or selfish reasons I’m prone to suspecting of most people. He wants me to love him because he loves me, and his love is selfless and vulnerable and life-giving. He selflessly sacrificed his perfect community with himself to come to earth. He vulnerably subjected himself to ridicule, unbelief, pain, torture, death, and separation from God. He rose to life and repeatedly proved he rose to life so that I could be assured that death does not have to be my eternity. Despite all of the ways he has loved me, he still waited for me to love him.
I can’t comprehend it. It’s so much.
Here’s what I can comprehend though. I am sick of being a lurker in God’s kingdom and I know that God has much more muchness for me than I could possibly imagine. Already, in the few months of actually pursuing obedience, my life has changed dramatically for the better. I can’t wait to see what he has next, and I can’t wait to share my experiences. Hopefully, these experiences, which I will be writing about here, will be an encouragement to you! Everything I just wrote about God’s relationship and feelings towards me applies to you too.
Thanks for reading!